As I have roamed around the halls of Newfield High School for four enduring years several events have occurred that can be considered to be unforgettable. It is events like these that make one wonder if the students have any common sense whatsoever. Even though I have graduated along with the other corrupted children that caused most of this mischief I wonder if the chaos will still continue on.
It was my sophomore year where I sat in the mind-numbing class of geometry staring at the clock waiting for the bell to ring. I looked out of the door to see the seniors chucking their food at each other running through the hallways. Suddenly the principal walked in and everyone stopped. They all turned around and began hammering the principal with food. His body began to be covered in bits of pizza, turkey slices, juice… etc. Classes were postponed for hours that day and no one was allowed to leave class until the seniors who were involved came to confession.
I was on line at the cafeteria waiting the usual 15 minutes when I hear that two kids that I used to be best friends with a couple years back have went to the payphone at Newfield and decided to prank call 911. They were screaming for help as giggling came from the background. I didn’t believe it was true until I got off the lunch line and saw two cop cars approaching from the courtyard.
I have seen one of the most ridiculous fights occur at Newfield ALSO by the cafeteria where two girls began to argue and one of the girls literally took her chicken patty off of her tray and threw it at the other girl. After that fists came flying everywhere and the security guard ran to stop it which he then got punched in the face. Then the assistant principal came and he also got punched in the face until I saw about 4 security guards and two other assistant principal’s stop the fight. It was one of the craziest fights I have ever seen.
Although I have learned discipline and control throughout my school years I have gotten a few good laughs as well.
I think that this story is very well written. It was very amusing and kept my attention throughout the entire story. The point was very well articulated. The story is so crazy that it is difficult to figure out which event is the lie. Good job!
ReplyDeleteYou hid your lies incredibly well. You used details that made your points and you also had a broader theme in mind. One of the funnier stories out of the group as well!
ReplyDeleteI don't have much criticism except for just to be a little less generic with your responses. You have great details in your story so add the same details when you write about how you reacted. For example, don't just say you were shocked. Write about what you felt, or that your eyes widened when you saw these shocking events.
Excellent job writting this narrative. its really hard to distingush which event is a lie. I was interested throughout the whole story. Events like these i only hear and see on televison shows never thought it would be a real event.
ReplyDeleteYour narrative was very entertaining and kept me reading all the way through. You did a good job at hiding your lie with your use of detail and keeping to a common theme of outrageous things that occur in the cafeteria. The only criticism I have is you tend to put "have" in front of verbs when it is not needed. Examples of this can be seen in the first sentence and the first sentence of the third paragraph. Otherwise I really enjoyed reading your story.
ReplyDeleteI believe that you did a great job of painting a mental picture for the reader to understand your narrative. I was completely unable to figure out which part of your story was the lie, and I feel that you disguised it well. However, I feel that you could have described the events that happened in a more mature voice since you were still in high school and understood everything that was happening.
ReplyDeleteYour story was very well writen. Your thoughts flew naturally and logically. You are also good at using descriptive languages to attract reader's attention. I could image the situations that you illustrated in your story.
ReplyDeleteThis has to be the craziest story I have read . It is well written but at the same time very entertaining. I must commend you on the way you hid your lie. It was very difficult for me to figure it out. I also like the way you ended the story with the moral values you got from the whole experience.
ReplyDeleteI thought your story was very amusing. I liked how descriptive you were about the different events that occurred. I couldn't really figure out which was the lie because it was very well hidden in the story.
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